Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
