Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Life is so much better after having sex.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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