why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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