Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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