When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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