Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
