its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
