so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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