I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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