Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
