He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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