Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
