I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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