Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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