My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
