I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she peed on how many people?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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