Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
