watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
