I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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