bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
