we're blogging at a bar
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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