Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
