I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
