I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
sex in a hospital.. check
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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