Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
