Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
