Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Four minutes until I can fart!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
