My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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