alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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