My sheets look like a crime scene.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sext me about skeletons
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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