I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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