We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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