The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
