I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
