gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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