Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
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I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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