I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
