You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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