I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
