I hate all girls vehemently.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
