He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize