Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
