I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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