how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
