I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
