Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
