I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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