I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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