I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
