It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
