It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
