Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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