I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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