You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
