First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
false alarm, still single
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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