shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize