My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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