Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
