that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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