never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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