Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
