we're blogging at a bar
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
