Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
