how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
