Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
